We should have a society of brain surgeons by now.

So, today, as the SooperKidz were watching their cartoons, the educational disclaimer at the beginning exclaimed "This program teaches your kids to Discover with Us, Move with Us, and Share and Care with Us". I've heard this many times over the past 10 years but never thought too much about it. Remember cartoons from my time (the '80s for all you smartass comment makers)? When you had to wait until Saturday to watch them? They didn't explain what they were going to teach you, they just kicked a bunch of ass?

Now we have several channels dedicated to cartoon programming, a 24 hour educational programming channel aimed at preschoolers. I know, I know, kids now can program an electronic device, and use the computer, and are more technologically advanced than we were, but I don't truly believe that they are any SMARTER. So what does all this educational programming do for them?

Here is a list of icons that Nick Jr. uses to display which part of their "curriculum" children are exposed to:

Count with Us: Basically early math skills, like counting, patterns, and number recognition.

Create with Us: "a show or activity will spark imagination and encourage kids to express themselves through the visual arts, music, dramatic play, and/or dance."

Discover with Us: Helps children with science and technology, encourages observations, hypotheses, and investigations.

Explore with Us: "...shows and activities that teach children about diversity, world cultures and languages, neighborhood and community, and family roles and traditions"



Make Music with Us: Encourages children to sing along, dance with music, and explore and appreciate different types of music.




Move with Us: "...learning about and engaging in activities that support physical development, health, and safety."

Read with Us: "...focuses on concepts like letters and their sounds, vocabulary, story structure and comprehension, storytelling, following directions, rhyming, and emergent writing..."

Share and Care with Us: "...represents skill areas such as building self-esteem, promoting positive social interactions, and identifying and expressing feelings."

All good things, right?! I mean, who wouldn't want their kids to watch programming that teaches all of this stuff. But, where's the payoff? I don't think 10 years from now, my daughter is going to speak fluent Spanish because of Dora. So, what's the difference between cartoons geared at education and what I watched? What did I learn from 80's cartoons that made me the person I am today?

I decided, with the help of the Saturday morning schedule from inthe80s.com, to make my own educational criteria for what I watched as a child:

Transformers

This show contains the following educational advantages:

ENGINEERING: Have you ever tried to imagine how to change a car into a robot? Kids in the 80's did.

Good versus Evil: Notice how there's no "bad" guys in cartoons anymore? 80's cartoons taught us to destroy the enemy!

G.I. Joe

This show taught 80's children the following:

Guns are ok. As long as you're in the military, you get to shoot guns, drive tanks, hang out with badass ninjas and smoking hot redheads.

PSAs are A-OK - The first cartoon I can remember with a PSA at the end of every episode.........because knowing is half the battle. Ah, yes, Duke, knowing IS half the battle.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

This program taught 80's kids these important lessons:

Muscles are important - As long as you are ripped, your friends apparently won't make fun of the fact that you have a chick's haircut, and that they want to bang your sister.

Specialization - Make yourself REALLY useful at one thing, and you can kick ass! I mean, Mekaneck's neck could stretch like crazy. That's useful.......for like..........battle.

So obviously, we didn't have these sissy "curriculum" problems growing up in the 80's. Look at us! We're all perfectly fine, normal citizens that are desperately trying to relive our youth.

sigh.