A Brush with Mortality

So, an interesting year so far....

In February, I got laid off from my job of 14 years. My youngest daughter had to have an earring back removed from her inner ear surgically, and then later needed to have a pretzel removed from her nose (at home procedure). Other financial hardships, stressful situations, and poor lifestyle choices led up to August 1st.

On August 1, I went to the hospital with chest pain. What I thought was gall bladder pain or indigestion turned out to be a massive heart attack. A quadruple bypass and 2 weeks in the hospital later, I left the hospital a changed man. What changed? Besides my obvious physical changes (30 lbs. lighter and a kickass scar), I've had my own epiphany. I don't have time for bullshit.

Most of the time before my "incident", I was able to not let too much bother me. When something did bother me, however, it festered in my gut. I rarely made how I felt about something known, and internalized a lot of pain, fears, and thoughts. Now I see that doing so was all bullshit. Too bad it took heart surgery and more to realize.

Waking up in the hospital bed after surgery, I already felt better. My wife and mother were in the room with me, and looked relieved. The days after waking were filled with different doctors and nurses coming in to tell me how much "better" I looked. At first, I was confused about these people who I had never seen telling me about things like they knew me. After a few days of this, my wife filled me in on the fact that it was actually 4 days later than I thought, and I had coded (flatlined) in the hospital about 5 times.

The weight of what she was telling me didn't hit me immediately. She showed me pictures after my surgery, after I had coded, and during my recovery. She showed me Facebook entries from past and current friends, family, and people I didn't even know. All the messages contained some kind of spiritual component.

I wasn't raised the most spiritual person. In my adult life, the only time I had gone to church is when my wife dragged me kicking and screaming. However, before the "incident", I began to enjoy going to church, and the interpretation of the stories in the Bible. During my time in the hospital, I FELT something. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt something keeping watch while I was unconscious. After waking up and really soaking in the information shown to me, I realized that my belief in a higher power was sorely lacking. Am I right with God now? No, not exactly. I'm almost well enough to go to church, but I do speak with Him through prayer a lot. I thank my friends who asked Him to help me out and bring me back to the living.

Are my friends the same religion as me? Nope. As a matter of fact, I don't even know what religion some of them are. The important thing was that they PRAYED to whatever they believed in. I believe that faith is lacking not only in my life, but in a lot of other lives as well, and I see now that that is a shame. It doesn't matter what higher power you believe in, as long as you believe.

If I am sounding a bit preachy, it's because I am. I'm not going to apologize for things anymore. I don't think anyone should have to apologize for their faith. That's the great thing about this country. You can say what you want, believe in what you want, and be who you want to be.

And there are great people in this country. Great friends that wish you well in your hardest time, visit you when you're better, and re-establish lost connections. Great family who pull together and show their love and affection to help the healing process. Great acquaintances who pray for someone they don't even know.

I don't know if I would be here without you.

God Bless You, and our great country.

Soop