We should have a society of brain surgeons by now.

So, today, as the SooperKidz were watching their cartoons, the educational disclaimer at the beginning exclaimed "This program teaches your kids to Discover with Us, Move with Us, and Share and Care with Us". I've heard this many times over the past 10 years but never thought too much about it. Remember cartoons from my time (the '80s for all you smartass comment makers)? When you had to wait until Saturday to watch them? They didn't explain what they were going to teach you, they just kicked a bunch of ass?

Now we have several channels dedicated to cartoon programming, a 24 hour educational programming channel aimed at preschoolers. I know, I know, kids now can program an electronic device, and use the computer, and are more technologically advanced than we were, but I don't truly believe that they are any SMARTER. So what does all this educational programming do for them?

Here is a list of icons that Nick Jr. uses to display which part of their "curriculum" children are exposed to:

Count with Us: Basically early math skills, like counting, patterns, and number recognition.

Create with Us: "a show or activity will spark imagination and encourage kids to express themselves through the visual arts, music, dramatic play, and/or dance."

Discover with Us: Helps children with science and technology, encourages observations, hypotheses, and investigations.

Explore with Us: "...shows and activities that teach children about diversity, world cultures and languages, neighborhood and community, and family roles and traditions"



Make Music with Us: Encourages children to sing along, dance with music, and explore and appreciate different types of music.




Move with Us: "...learning about and engaging in activities that support physical development, health, and safety."

Read with Us: "...focuses on concepts like letters and their sounds, vocabulary, story structure and comprehension, storytelling, following directions, rhyming, and emergent writing..."

Share and Care with Us: "...represents skill areas such as building self-esteem, promoting positive social interactions, and identifying and expressing feelings."

All good things, right?! I mean, who wouldn't want their kids to watch programming that teaches all of this stuff. But, where's the payoff? I don't think 10 years from now, my daughter is going to speak fluent Spanish because of Dora. So, what's the difference between cartoons geared at education and what I watched? What did I learn from 80's cartoons that made me the person I am today?

I decided, with the help of the Saturday morning schedule from inthe80s.com, to make my own educational criteria for what I watched as a child:

Transformers

This show contains the following educational advantages:

ENGINEERING: Have you ever tried to imagine how to change a car into a robot? Kids in the 80's did.

Good versus Evil: Notice how there's no "bad" guys in cartoons anymore? 80's cartoons taught us to destroy the enemy!

G.I. Joe

This show taught 80's children the following:

Guns are ok. As long as you're in the military, you get to shoot guns, drive tanks, hang out with badass ninjas and smoking hot redheads.

PSAs are A-OK - The first cartoon I can remember with a PSA at the end of every episode.........because knowing is half the battle. Ah, yes, Duke, knowing IS half the battle.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

This program taught 80's kids these important lessons:

Muscles are important - As long as you are ripped, your friends apparently won't make fun of the fact that you have a chick's haircut, and that they want to bang your sister.

Specialization - Make yourself REALLY useful at one thing, and you can kick ass! I mean, Mekaneck's neck could stretch like crazy. That's useful.......for like..........battle.

So obviously, we didn't have these sissy "curriculum" problems growing up in the 80's. Look at us! We're all perfectly fine, normal citizens that are desperately trying to relive our youth.

sigh.

Isn't a bellybutton proof of identity?

So, Soop had to call to make some moves with his 401(k), because, even jeenyuses have to have plans for the future. After "verifying" my address THREE times, they tell me they will send my mail to my previous street address. The conversation went something like this:
Soop: No, No, it's 1234 Ausum Layne.
Girl: Well, that's not what we have on file.
Soop: Well, I'm telling you to change my address on your file, then.
Girl: We can't just change it.
Soop: What?! I'll change it online, then.
Girl: No. The only way you can get your address changed is by WRITTEN, NOTARIZED REQUEST.

Let me spell this out. This girl has a significant amount of Soop's money. Soop may or may not at some point in the future need access to his money. Soop had already had THREE conversations with this girl's "teammate", in which he gave the address that was apparently NOT on his account, to which this "teammate" said not a word. Soop now has to write a letter explaining that he would like to have the address on his account changed, and then take the time to find a notary and have them make sure I sign it with my signature.

Awesome. I'm going to start a new campaign just like this.

Windows Auto Updates? No way, not until I have video of Bill Gates explaining exactly what is in the updates, and then reading OUT LOUD each line of code involved in the update, so I can make sure it's legit.

Greatest Hits Albums? I want a timestamped photo of the band in the studio singing the tracks on the CD. I'm not buying old music! I want to make sure my property is updated properly!

Apple iPod/iPhone? Forget it. Don't even bother. You update your updates immediately after they're updated.

Whatever. Thanks for keeping my money safe....from.....me.

Awww........

Little Noah, 5 years old, wrote a letter to PBS with a dollar. How sweet.....

PBS response:

Dear Jimmy,

From all of us here at PBS, thank you for the dollar. You see, the way we work is that we are funded by the government which uses you and your mommy's tax dollars. So you sending us a dollar just saves us the trouble of taking it from the government. Thanks! We look forward to good little future taxpayers like you, Ralphie.

As far as your "Super Hero Rescue Squad", PBS children's programming is very educational. Our programming focuses on teaching children the alphabet and making sure they grow up to trust authority figures. Besides, our children's programming that you pay for, isn't even MADE in the U.S.! HIT Entertainment, which creates Barney, is based in England! (http://www.hitentertainment.com/corporate/home.html) and Cookie Jar Entertainment, responsible for a number of kids shows such as Caillou, are based in Toronto, Canada!( http://www.thecookiejarcompany.com/cj_contact.php) That's north of us!

You see, we already have our own Super Heroes. And we here at PBS make sure you know all about them. For instance, we are showing Tina Fey's reception for the Mark Twain Award for American Humor (http://video.pbs.org/video/1642947954/), for you know, destroying the image of the first female VP candidate in decades, and possible future first female Presidential candidate ever! We here at PBS enjoy raising those kinds of Super Heroes up, and giving them airtime paid by your mommy and daddy, Johnny!

But, we know that another one of our responsibilities here at PBS is to instill the proud values that have held our taxpayers....err....country together for, what, like 700 years. That is why we feel the responsibility to air programs such as Gun Control, in Religion and Ethics Newsweekly (http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/episodes/january-21-2011/gun-control/7950/). We want our future revenue streams informed, Frankie!

So, in conclusion, PBS will gladly accept your contribution of one US dollar, because it is always nice to have secondary revenue streams that are in addition to your mommy's and daddy's tax dollars. And, it's not like we wouldn't have gotten it somehow anyways.

Keep watching PBS, young Gregory!

Dewey Cheatham

Ombudsman for Public Broadcasting System


Edit 1: Jan. 26,2011 - This website appeared today. Glad our tax dollars....er......Noah's dollar went to the webmaster to create this.

The Target on Target

So, I recently heard about this boycott on Target.....if you haven't, you can read it here.

Basically, Target gave $150,000 to a group, MN Forward, that is supporting a gubernatorial candidate in Minnesota (home to Target's corporate HQ) that has said he supports the traditional definition of marriage as "one man and one woman". This, naturally, has angered gay rights groups and sparked the boycott fervor.

Full disclosure: I have gay friends, and know gay people. I don't live their lifestyle, but I don't see the need to tell someone they are wrong because they don't believe in what I believe. Do I support gay marriage? No, not actively, but I don't not support it, either.

Looking at this issue strictly from a business aspect:

1. Target Corp. donated money to a PAC. Not specifically to a single candidate. The PAC gives money to said candidate for print and television ads, but it also backs 6 other candidates for different positions in Minnesota (3 of which are Democrats, 3 are Republican).

2. MN Forward as a PAC states that they exist to "elect a governor and state legislators who understand the importance of creating private-sector jobs and economic opportunity in our state."

3. Target Corp. touts their diversity, and some involved in the boycott acknowledge Target's hiring of gays and the benefits provided for same-sex partners.

From a business perspective, was it wrong for Target to give money to a PAC that drives tax reform and pro-business legislation? Nope, more businesses will most likely do the same soon, the benefit of a recent Supreme Court ruling. After Target donates the money, it has no say on where it goes. Is it bad form? Possibly, but the candidate in the center of the controversy is also very pro-business and in favor of certain tax reforms that will benefit large business. If Target is going to donate to pro-business candidates, why wouldn't they give him money?

Again, from a business perspective, the boycott of Target stores is a bad move. Why? If Target is an employer of gays and lesbians, and they are team members in the local stores, wouldn't a boycott by pro-gay right activists actually hurt the retail store that employs (possibly) the same gays and lesbians they are fighting for? Look, employees at the store level have no say about what executives spend the company's money on. If they happen to be shareholders, they can bring it to a vote at the next stakeholder meeting, but most likely, they are just trying to get by like most of American workers.

Look, I get the controversy. It is probably not the wisest or well-researched donation in history. But it certainly isn't the worst, either. It's not even the only donation that is controversial! Wal-Mart recently donated $30,000 to Bob McDonnell, the incumbent Governor of Virginia. Recently, McDonnell has written letters to Homeland Security asking to allow State Troopers to act as immigration and customs agents. Sounds like.......no wait, I've heard this.......AHA, sounds like SB1070 in Arizona, right? The backlash over SB1070 caused a fervor throughout the country, but I guess just asking for it instead of making it law is okay.

Plus, Mr. McDonnell is apparently pro-life, vowing to make restrictions on abortion clinics in Virginia tougher and more regulated. However, no boycott of Wal-Mart? Not even a public YouTube video of someone protesting inside a Wal-Mart? Hmmm..........

Playing politics is dangerous. Target and other businesses know this when they donate to PACs. (P.S. Best Buy, also headquartered in Minnesota, donated $100,000 to MN Forward). The boycotters have a right to make their feelings known, but a little investigation and balanced thinking may have either expanded their effort or they may have proceeded in a different direction completely.

Both sides are standing up for what they believe in, and that's what matters. Again, a country that allows for dissent, disagreement, and debate is a country that is intellectually rich. And that's the only kind of rich Soop is ever going to be. :)

A Brush with Mortality

So, an interesting year so far....

In February, I got laid off from my job of 14 years. My youngest daughter had to have an earring back removed from her inner ear surgically, and then later needed to have a pretzel removed from her nose (at home procedure). Other financial hardships, stressful situations, and poor lifestyle choices led up to August 1st.

On August 1, I went to the hospital with chest pain. What I thought was gall bladder pain or indigestion turned out to be a massive heart attack. A quadruple bypass and 2 weeks in the hospital later, I left the hospital a changed man. What changed? Besides my obvious physical changes (30 lbs. lighter and a kickass scar), I've had my own epiphany. I don't have time for bullshit.

Most of the time before my "incident", I was able to not let too much bother me. When something did bother me, however, it festered in my gut. I rarely made how I felt about something known, and internalized a lot of pain, fears, and thoughts. Now I see that doing so was all bullshit. Too bad it took heart surgery and more to realize.

Waking up in the hospital bed after surgery, I already felt better. My wife and mother were in the room with me, and looked relieved. The days after waking were filled with different doctors and nurses coming in to tell me how much "better" I looked. At first, I was confused about these people who I had never seen telling me about things like they knew me. After a few days of this, my wife filled me in on the fact that it was actually 4 days later than I thought, and I had coded (flatlined) in the hospital about 5 times.

The weight of what she was telling me didn't hit me immediately. She showed me pictures after my surgery, after I had coded, and during my recovery. She showed me Facebook entries from past and current friends, family, and people I didn't even know. All the messages contained some kind of spiritual component.

I wasn't raised the most spiritual person. In my adult life, the only time I had gone to church is when my wife dragged me kicking and screaming. However, before the "incident", I began to enjoy going to church, and the interpretation of the stories in the Bible. During my time in the hospital, I FELT something. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt something keeping watch while I was unconscious. After waking up and really soaking in the information shown to me, I realized that my belief in a higher power was sorely lacking. Am I right with God now? No, not exactly. I'm almost well enough to go to church, but I do speak with Him through prayer a lot. I thank my friends who asked Him to help me out and bring me back to the living.

Are my friends the same religion as me? Nope. As a matter of fact, I don't even know what religion some of them are. The important thing was that they PRAYED to whatever they believed in. I believe that faith is lacking not only in my life, but in a lot of other lives as well, and I see now that that is a shame. It doesn't matter what higher power you believe in, as long as you believe.

If I am sounding a bit preachy, it's because I am. I'm not going to apologize for things anymore. I don't think anyone should have to apologize for their faith. That's the great thing about this country. You can say what you want, believe in what you want, and be who you want to be.

And there are great people in this country. Great friends that wish you well in your hardest time, visit you when you're better, and re-establish lost connections. Great family who pull together and show their love and affection to help the healing process. Great acquaintances who pray for someone they don't even know.

I don't know if I would be here without you.

God Bless You, and our great country.

Soop

It's Hip To Be A Hypocrite

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching music videos with the Sooperfamily on an early weekend morning, when out of the blue, something shocked me. No, it wasn’t the fact that MTV was showing music videos, which would be shocking, but something completely from left field. The image below sent me into an altered state of disbelief.

In the video “Down” by Jay Sean, featuring Lil Wayne, this image actually made me laugh out loud. Lil’ Wayne is flashing his “Communist” shirt proudly. Before I begin to digest this information, a disclaimer. I actually LIKE Lil Wayne. I like his music, his vibe, and his story. He’s actually very talented. That being said, he’s also now an idiot.

The theory of communism according to MSN’s Encarta: “As a political movement, communism sought to overthrow capitalism through a workers’ revolution and establish a system in which property is owned by the community as a whole rather than individuals.” Kind of a bold statement for a rapper to want to give up his accumulated wealth and share it with the common folk, huh? Especially Lil’ Wayne, the guy that coined the term “bling”, “make it rain”, and whose moniker is “Young Money”.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that if we were a communist state, what would these people have to rap about? Money? No, it’s our money. You’re no richer or poorer than me. As a matter of fact, you could probably rap to me when I was behind you in the line to get our rations for the month. Could you rap about how you’re the best rapper ever? Nope. We would focus on the greatness of our society, not individual greatness. That’s the essence of your vaunted communism. The community is greater than the individual.

Maybe I could see your political or religious views in your new music video. Maybe you’ll have a shirt that says “L. Ron was right”, “Lenin was the fifth Beatle”, or something stupid like that. Ah, but alas, the government (er…I meant our “community”) would probably silence your political/religious dissent, and since they would most likely have control of all the media, I doubt that there would be music videos (plus they cost money, and we don’t want our money spent on flashy videos. (We’d rather have more bread! Yum!). Does everyone see now why this is stupid?

Let’s break down this situation. There are 3 main topics that the rap world focus on:

1. Money

2. Women

3. Ego

Sure, sure, there have been “political” rap songs before (Fu@$ the Police by N.W.A., and By the Time I Get to Arizona by Public Enemy, from the top of my head), but for the most part, these three topics cover the entire spectrum.

As I said before, there would be no songs about money, because the wealth would be distributed. But take it further. Would these rappers even make songs if they were to get paid what every worker was getting paid? Remember, no lucrative record contracts, can’t have that nasty individual wealth. I mean, they could rap about their wealth, but making songs about $32.50 in your bankroll isn’t really sexy. Here’s how Soop would envision it:

“Was goin to tha sto to get a fo oh

But then I remembered they were no mo stos

You know I don’t play cuz I got P B and J

And I be stalkin’ the bread line ALL DAY!.......trick”

Moving on to the women. There has been a lot of tension between woman empowerment groups and rappers objectification of women (bitches and hos, anyone?), but the luster of a beautiful women would dim when there are no “elective” surgeries to enhance one’s looks, and no money to pay for them. I mean Mother Russia churned out some hotties, but for the most part, the trolls that were walking around there didn’t really make Maxim’s top 100, if you know what I mean. So what conquests would great Communist rappers have to write about?

“At the bread line, saw a fly boo

She axed me ‘What we gon do?’

Only had one mole, so I said ‘Let’s go’

And we stood in the cheese line to get mo……….trick”

And finally, ego. Why is it that every rapper thinks they are the best? Even the crappy ones? Communism would take care of that. Personal achievement? Nah, we don’t need that. You’re no better than your neighbor, which is probably sleeping in your bed with you because you can’t afford housing on your own. No “greatest rapper alive”, just “a rapper who lives somewhere where individual achievement is downplayed in order to enhance achievements for the community”….doesn’t really roll off the tongue during a song, huh?

Look, let Lil Wayne say what he wants to say. We already know people in the spotlight tend to say stupid things *coughcoughJessicaSimpsoncoughcough*, but let’s not forget that because Lil Wayne is rapping in “the US muthafu#@in A” is why he can say these things. Freedom of speech is the most important right that we have, and citizens’ use of that right is part of what makes us great. So keep on Lil Wayne, you kept me entertained for a bit. Just don’t trip and fall….you know….that socialized medicine and all of your great communist state.

*sigh*

Class in America

Got done watching the VMA Awards. (I know, late...sue me.) Seeing Kanye's "performance" got me thinking: What has happened to people's class? Kanye's move was low-class, selfish, and rude. I am proud to say I have never and now will never own a Kanye West album. Ambushing Taylor Swift in HER moment would be like Eminem rushing into Kanye's studio and saying "I appreciate you, but Jay Z's song is WAY better than this...". What a joke. Kanye is entitled to his opinion, but he needs to do it on HIS platform. Last time I checked, the "Kanye West Video Awards" was not on the Cox lineup. Take some hints from other artists that stated thier "opinion" on stage: Sinead O'Connor, The Dixie Chicks, and Fiona Apple. Seemed to help thier careers along.

Of course, the problem is, this tactless action won't hurt his career. The guy is talented. People will still buy his albums. I just wish he would keep his mouth shut unless he's laying a track. I guess they took the wire off too soon, eh Kanye?

I think the blame needs to be put on MTV though. I saw the security for the artists backstage, but what about the ones on stage? Aren't they entitled to the same kind of protection? There are crazed fans that could possibly jump on stage at a moments notice, but because it's the almighty Kanye, he gets a pass? BS. After the attack on Dre and stabbing of the man who attacked him at the 2005 Vibe awards, you would think that MTV of all people would provide adequate security for their guests. Guess not, but what do you expect from the people that still give awards away for videos that you can't see on their network?

Another show of low class: Republican Senator Joe Wilson from South Carolina. He's the one that yelled "You lie!" in the middle of Obama's speech in Congress. Agree or disagree with the man's politics, he's still the POTUS, and still demands respect. If you're going to make an accusation like that, show how and where he lied. Do it on your time, not his.

Facts don't lie. They can be manipulated and twisted into a psychological attack, but they don't lie. They don't change, they don't bend. Remember that annoying math teacher in junior high, that always said the line you hated? "Show your work!". Show me the facts, and debate your points logically.

Some of you may be saying that I'm a hypocrite for stating my opinions, much like these people have. You're right. But I'm not interrupting someone else's blog to do so. I sat down, thought about it, and am stating an opinion on my platform. Nobody else's. What has happened to our class? Our tact? I know they're not gone, because there are still a lot of classy, tactful, good-hearted people in the world (Thank God for Beyonce. Her next song should be "All the Classy Ladies.."), but they are being overrun by idiots. Next time you see one of these idiots, smack the shit out of them. Tell them Uncle Soop told you to.